My Strongest Support
Jan 27th, 2010 by Mark Lefers
I understand that many are hesitant to discuss their doubts with others. I personally just recently told my parents about my doubt/unbelief, which I’ll write about later. Sometimes it is easier to talk to some stranger about these personal thoughts than someone that you grew up with, or live with. Relationships can become strained and made more complicated, or worse broken. Sometimes the fear of this change can cause people to not share with those who they are closest to. However, I think this can cause more harm than good.
The first person who I shared my doubts with, and the person who has been my strongest support, has been my wife. Even though she is a Christian and I am in unbelief, I don’t consider ourselves unequally yoked. We are still yoked together and are working together to find our way through this life. That is what a marriage is about, working together through the tough times.
It has been a blessing that we like different things. I get into science and theology and my wife is into managing the house (7 kids), finances, and most recently taxes. We have our own areas that we find interesting and devote our energies to. Sure, I sometimes get frustrated that she doesn’t struggle with the problem of evil or the lack of supernatural evidence. But these things just aren’t her “thing”, just like finance and taxes aren’t my “thing”.
This doesn’t mean I don’t tell her what I’m struggling with. It just means that instead of her challenging my beliefs and getting into theological debates, she gives me a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold me. She listens compassionately to my troubles and loves me in spite of my unbelief. So in practice, I have my theological discussions with others in my church or online, and at the end of the day I come home and find rest in the loving arms of my wife that gives me strength through this all.
Hi Mark, that is great that you and your wife have been able to maintain a relationship like that through the trial of doubt. I think that is what marriage should be about, caring for one another at the end of the day regardless of what kinds of theology, doctrine, or otherwise may be swirling around you. Life is tough enough to go through without being torn apart by issues like that.
My wife and I for the most part have a similar arrangement. She reads more devotional Christian literature while I read more on the theological and doctrinal issues surrounding Christianity. We have found some middle ground kind of books to go through together though.
Great post, Mark. I’m glad you and your wife are dealing so well with this. It’s been pretty easy for Robyn, my fiance, and I to deal with my lack of belief as she sees that I am the same loving person I was before I lost my faith. She is a liberal Catholic (She loves the tradition) and she believes in the triune God of Christianity, but she is more of a universalist. I’m going to do a post soon, which was inspired by Atimetorend’s collection of links regarding this very issue.
Hi Mark…
Sorry, but I just post this as a comment though it has nothing to do with the post, really. I just don’t know how to reach you otherwise.
I’ve also been struggling with lots of doubt again in the last months… Pascal just helped me temporarily. I went so far as to believe it was all a fairy tale. I felt miserable. Well… I found something very interesting just yesterday. And as I am reading through I must say it is unlike anything I have read. Just give it a try:
http://www.gospeltruth.net/whomovedthestone.htm
you might already know it… if so… erase my comment
Cheers,
Reto