Prayer of the Week
Apr 26th, 2009 by Mark Lefers
Lord, I am tired and weary of this struggle. Day after day I keep searching with no progress and if that wasn’t enough, the time I have to devote to studying and researching is getting shorter and shorter. Lord please don’t make this so tough, please be merciful on me. I sense the black clouds rolling in; the Tempter outside my door; the Evil One at hand, waiting, waiting, waiting for my back to break, for me to give up. Please protect me, please rescue me, please bring me back home. I am cold, I am lost, I am tired.
I remember similar feelings. I’d like to say something to encouraging, but all my encouraging words would lead you further into doubt, and that is not my wish. I’m hoping that you will figure out what you believe and then come to peace in that, whatever it may be.
Mike,
Thanks for your wish for peace for me.
Hi Mark…
Please listen to me. If you really want to stop doubting then there is just one way. You already don’t believe anymore really. Stop lying to yourself. Stop clinging to the habit of believing. Confront the so called God. Tell him that you do not believe anymore unless he shows you unmistakably that he is real. Only that can cure you. It is hard but worth the prize. The longer you wait, the longer you will suffer.
Peace, Reto
Hi Reto,
Your comment confuses me. You say stop believing and then say confront God. You also suggest that I test God by saying that unless he shows Himself to me that I won’t believe. But that would be arrogant for me to demand the creator of the universe to jump through hoops for me. I hope that He will show Himself to me, but that is different than demanding it. So, let me get this straight, you’re saying the only way to be cured from doubt is to test God?
I was confused by Reto too. I’ve heard atheists give similar advice to doubting Christians assuming that they would get no response, thus putting the final nail in the coffin of their faith. But I’m not sure if that’s what you are saying, Reto.
The God of the Bible is the one in the Old Testament that drowned nearly every man, woman, and child; the one who ordered the Israelites to destroy every man, woman, and child of several nations; the one who sweeps tens of thousands of men, women, and (I’m not going there) into hell every single day.
You would be hard-pressed to find what I just said preached in very many American churches — but it can be found in the Bible. Many atheist arguments against God display these truths from the Bible. Look at http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com — many of his points are “Look at this verse, doesn’t it offend you? Reject the Bible.”
So, if I’m right — and the God of the Bible does exist — would you expect to find him without coming to him the way the Bible commands?
You must see your sin. You must realize that it is not what you have done, but it is what you are. You must realize that your pleas for God to reveal himself to you deserve nothing! It would be 100% grace for God to answer them.
“Lord, I do not deserve to be saved. I do not deserve for you to reveal yourself to me. If you never do, I will justly go to hell, for against you, and you alone have I sinned.”
Fortunately, we have a kind and merciful God that WILL ALWAYS answer that prayer. But unless you see yourself as a wretch, you can never be saved.
So, if you’re looking for another place to look — perhaps look at your very nature. There are many good books on this topic. http://www.monergism.com is a very helpful resource.
Martin Luther realized what he was. He would spent half the day with his priest, confessing his sin. He would even confess the sins he had committed while in confession! His priest told him “Go do something worth confessing.”
The priest didn’t get it. If confession is how to be saved (it’s not), then Martin Luther should rightly spend most of his day, because we are ALWAYS sinning. I have sinned while writing this letter.
Fortunately, there is amazing Grace, that has saved a wretch like me — who can’t even write a letter in hopes someone will be saved — without sinning against his God.
Thanks for your honesty, David. Many Christians dance around the acts of the god portrayed in the Old Testament. I’m not sure how you can follow that with “Fortunately, we have a kind and merciful God.”, but I appreciate you being up front.
Hi again Mark
That’s exactly what I’m saying. Test God. Let HIM convince you. Don’t try to convince yourself. God is not dumb. He knows how to deal with everyone of us. Just think of good old Thomas. Isn’t it amazing how Jesus helped him with his doubts? Thomas needed proof to believe. Maybe you too? So I say: give it a try!
Peace, Reto
I did this very prayerfully for quite some time before my deconversion, and still occasionally ask. Nothing, nada, zip. YMMV
Mike,
If we are evil, then any good God does toward us is kind and merciful.
The “good news” of the Gospel only makes sense in light of the “bad news.” If we aren’t evil, deserving suffering, death, and hell, then grace and mercy have lost all meaning.
It becomes a … “So God sent Jesus … to die for our sins. But if we don’t believe in him, he’ll send us to hell. Sounds like a big charade. What’s the point?”
This is why American Christianity is so illogical. Intelligent people believing illogical things suffer inner turmoil. But American Christianity bears little resemblance to historical Christianity.
I know that I am wicked and evil. It is 100% mercy that God has saved me.
Pride, Arrogance, Judgmental Attitude, Self-Centeredness, Self-Righteousness. I have lusted, lied, and hated. I have failed to love God, who gave me the air I’m breathing. I know this describes everyone reading this. We all know these things are wrong, because God has given us a conscience. The only question is… does it bother us enough to humble ourselves before God… and beg him for mercy. If we do this, and accept the fact that we are in rebellion against God, repent of it, and put our trust in Christs work on the cross, where the wrath of God for our sin, was put on him… we will be saved.
Romans 1 says all know when they sin against God, for he has put it on their hearts. (The Conscience I mentioned.) It also says we know there is a God, but we suppress that truth.
I know before I became a Christian a couple years ago, I suppressed that truth — I knew there was a God, but ultimately I preferred sinning. Fortunately I heard the gospel, the REAL Gospel — and God saved me.
You don’t have to look very hard in history … when men are not bound by law or society — to see what evil we do. We live in a civilized society… but If you bind a wolf, it’s still a wolf. Look at what happens in history when the wolf is unbound.
David,
Just a quick question. How did you know there was a God? Was it just a subjective feeling, or was there something more objective which you could base your belief?
” If we are evil, then any good God does toward us is kind and merciful.
The ‘good news’ of the Gospel only makes sense in light of the ‘bad news.’ If we aren’t evil, deserving suffering, death, and hell, then grace and mercy have lost all meaning. ”
That is precisely the problem. Christianity demonizes humanity to guilt them into joining. There are many non-Christian societies that have led perfectly moral existences.
“I know that I am wicked and evil.” What makes you so wicked and evil? Would you murder someone if it weren’t for God? Would you do other horrific things?