Why I didn’t have an Easter post
Apr 13th, 2009 by Mark Lefers
Last year, Easter was pretty depressing. For those who aren’t struggling with doubt/unbelief it might be hard to understand. But take a walk in a doubter’s shoes. The faith one once took for granted is gone. The faith that made sense of the world is gone. The faith that gave hope to a better future is gone. The faith that gave you joy and freedom is gone. Now sadly walk into the most joyful of holy days. A day that every Christian is joyfully singing praise for the grace and faith they have. A day that is focused on Christ rising from the dead. A day full of promises of a future resurrection for those who believe. A day a Christian doubter can not ignore.
Easter becomes the magnifying glass that focuses the sunlight on my soul. It starts off as a warm uncomfortable sensation that makes me realize how different I am from my Christian friends and family. It turns into a burning desire to resolve this doubt I have; a desire to “just believe”. It then scorches me toward bitterness and depressing thoughts that I’m in this mess of unbelief with no hope in sight. And finally what’s left is a chard crusty shell of what I used to be.
So yeah, this Easter, I didn’t want to think about it too much. I didn’t want to dwell on my unbelief. I didn’t want to write down what I truly was feeling. I just wanted to ignore it for a day and eat some candy.
But. . . luckily for me I came down with an awful cold this past weekend, and other family members came down with the stomach flu. So the typical family get together was canceled which allowed me to have more “free time” in which to read. And the reading was good, and it helped clarify some questions I had and made some good points (which I’ll share when I actually finish the book). So this Easter was better than last, not good, but not bad.
Hi Mark,
I know what you mean. Christian holidays and church can be an awfully depressing place sometimes.
Lately, as I listen to people sing around me at church, I wonder, what on Earth are these people singing about? For instance, on Easter morning, there was a song with these lyrics: “Jesus Your love has no bounds.” Now maybe that’s true, but I’m willing to bet that the people supposedly suffering eternal torment in hell for not making the correct educated guess about Jesus might have a different view on a love that “has no bounds.”
Hope you get over your cold soon.
- Jim
I’ve gone through two Easter’s as an atheist now, the first was barely a month past realizing I was an atheist. I still found myself each time belting out Keith Green’s version of The Easter Song. It’s just fun to sing.
Mark,
Which book are you working on?
Jim,
Yeah the difficulties of hell are big. It is definitely on my shelf of things to think more (and read) on in the future. There are a lot of different views out there, and I’m sure none of us has it exactly right. I’m pretty sure the fire and brimstone image isn’t literal, and I hold more to an eternal moving away from God view. I also think we have no clue about death. One idea I have is that upon death, we’ll actually get all the evidence, we’ll see what God was doing in our lives, see how what He did was for our good, see that there is a God who died for us, etc. etc. And then we will be given an actual choice with all the data at hand. I guess we will all see what will happen.
Mike,
I do love to sing. It moves my soul. Or as the skeptic part of me says, “The evolutionary underpinnings of music run deep in our species.” I tell you, some days I feel like both sides of my brain just love duking it out.
Tim,
I’m on the last couple chapters of N.T.Wright’s book on the Resurrection. Unfortunately after drudging through some 600 pages, I’m finally getting to some parts that are helpful to me. I was so scared that I would miss something, that I tried to read and understand all 600 pages so far. Looking back I should have just skimmed the majority of the book. Oh well, now I’m a little more educated on pagan and early Jewish beliefs of the after life.
Mark,
I know exactly what you mean about Wright — it’s a bruiser of a book!
On hell; here, curiously, you have the support of Calvin, who also takes the flames to be metaphorical.
The doctrine of Hell has been the biggest source of congnitive dissonance and discomfort for me. People talk of the need for theodicy, a defense of God in light of the problem of evil, and I saw hell, as depicted in popular Christianity, as the greatest challenge for theodicy. Over the past few years I have reformulated my (still evolving) view of Hell. Based on what? (I’m asking myself this question, because I haven’t really thought about it) I guess based on reason – a commitment to non-contradiction, the Bible – but not so much on the typical “hell” passages but in seeing Jesus as the self-revelation of the true character of God, and theological voices in the tradition that have been drowned out by the dominant Augustinian tradition.
Fire and brimstone and torture is definitely out. I don’t think I ever bought into that. And along the lines of what Mark said, I believe that no one will be cast away from God based on ignorance. Each person must see and experience the true God and his offer of transforming grace. And if a person still rejects God, I envision the possibility that God continues to reach out to them, never forcing them to accept him, but leaving the door open.
Rescue for the Dead: The Posthumous Salvation of Non-Christians in Early Christianity by Jeffrey A. Trumbower looks to be an interesting read along these lines. I have only skimmed it. Trumbower uncovers a strand of teaching that stands as an alternate to the One Life, One Chance teaching that solidified into a core doctrine through Augustine.
Tim, yes Calvin may have viewed the flames to be metaphorical, but his framework of predestination is problematic to non-Calvinists and to doubters. Eternal destiny based on the arbitrary decision of God simply does not cut it.
That was me last easter…we had family members in town who had the norovirus along with my son….so just my husband and I attended sunday school alone. And I agree with you, it was nice to have a break from church.