Comments on: Prayer of the Week http://christiandoubt.com/2009/04/12/prayer-of-the-week-9/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=prayer-of-the-week-9 thoughts from someone dealing with doubt Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:31:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Mark Lefers http://christiandoubt.com/2009/04/12/prayer-of-the-week-9/comment-page-1/#comment-236 Mark Lefers Tue, 14 Apr 2009 02:51:53 +0000 http://christiandoubt.com/?p=263#comment-236 Kyle2, Nicely said. I too sometimes wonder whether this doubt/unbelief is what I needed to take my faith seriously, to face up to my doubts, to actively search for God, to get off my ass and stop being a lukewarm Christian. However, its hard to see any light at the end of a tunnel or whether there is even a tunnel to go through. I wish I could taste a glimpse of what the future may hold. Not looking for any lucky numbers, just wondering if whether I'll be able to look back on this time as a time of growth or a time wasted fighting for fairy tales and a happy ending. Kyle2,
Nicely said. I too sometimes wonder whether this doubt/unbelief is what I needed to take my faith seriously, to face up to my doubts, to actively search for God, to get off my ass and stop being a lukewarm Christian. However, its hard to see any light at the end of a tunnel or whether there is even a tunnel to go through. I wish I could taste a glimpse of what the future may hold. Not looking for any lucky numbers, just wondering if whether I’ll be able to look back on this time as a time of growth or a time wasted fighting for fairy tales and a happy ending.

]]> By: Kyle2 http://christiandoubt.com/2009/04/12/prayer-of-the-week-9/comment-page-1/#comment-234 Kyle2 Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:13:14 +0000 http://christiandoubt.com/?p=263#comment-234 Great prayer. God could not ask anyone to be more open than that. I had an interesting experience this past week. I believe it was an experience of God. It wasn't mystical and it could be explained other ways, but it strikes me as quite God-like. Since experiencing God, or the lack thereof, is a frequent topic on this site, I thought this may be of interest. My doubt/re-envisioning of my Christian faith had been growing the past month or so, causing a lot of dissonance in my normal routine. I had slowly, almost imperceptibly, been giving up any effort of resisting my self-centeredness. I starting doing what I wanted without much consideration for whether God would be pleased or how it affected others. In the short term, I was feeling good about this. It seemed to ease the frustration of not having everything figured out. But I grew steadily more discontent and ended up pretty miserable. My discontent and longing became palpable, a metallic pulse in my chest (it wasn't depression - I've been there and it is a different beast). It was directly related to how I had been living and thinking (you'll just have to trust me on that). I wanted to be free. I saw that I was (am) in bondage. Salvation started making more sense to me. It isn't primarily about what happens after we die, it is about freeing us from the hell of self-absorption and the drive to please ourselves. I think God was present. I think he was the discontent and misery. I usually think of God's presence as imparting peace and comfort, or a feeling of awe. But what would that have done for me. I needed to feel deeply the consequences of going down the path I was on. That is the gift that God gave me. Great prayer. God could not ask anyone to be more open than that.

I had an interesting experience this past week. I believe it was an experience of God. It wasn’t mystical and it could be explained other ways, but it strikes me as quite God-like. Since experiencing God, or the lack thereof, is a frequent topic on this site, I thought this may be of interest.

My doubt/re-envisioning of my Christian faith had been growing the past month or so, causing a lot of dissonance in my normal routine. I had slowly, almost imperceptibly, been giving up any effort of resisting my self-centeredness. I starting doing what I wanted without much consideration for whether God would be pleased or how it affected others. In the short term, I was feeling good about this. It seemed to ease the frustration of not having everything figured out. But I grew steadily more discontent and ended up pretty miserable. My discontent and longing became palpable, a metallic pulse in my chest (it wasn’t depression – I’ve been there and it is a different beast). It was directly related to how I had been living and thinking (you’ll just have to trust me on that). I wanted to be free. I saw that I was (am) in bondage. Salvation started making more sense to me. It isn’t primarily about what happens after we die, it is about freeing us from the hell of self-absorption and the drive to please ourselves.

I think God was present. I think he was the discontent and misery. I usually think of God’s presence as imparting peace and comfort, or a feeling of awe. But what would that have done for me. I needed to feel deeply the consequences of going down the path I was on. That is the gift that God gave me.

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