Depressing Doubt
Nov 21st, 2008 by Mark Lefers
A friend of mine asked me if my struggle with doubt has made depressed. To be honest, I hadn’t ever thought about the other “D” word. I’ve been focused on my Christian doubt. In thinking about it more, doubt is depressing. My Christian faith is tied to so many things: friends, family, social networks, Sundays, care group, etc. To “give up” on this faith would either strain or end many of these relationships. So the possible effects of my doubt are really depressing to think about. I can see why some just ignore their doubt out of fear of its effects.
Even though the topic of doubt is depressing, and the struggle IS depressing, I don’t really consider myself depressed. I still find joy in my family, I still laugh at a good comedy, I get up everyday ready for the challenges it brings. However, there are days that I just want to give up on this struggle. Some days I wish I had some sort of mini-stroke that would eliminate my doubt so that I could just have the simple “faith like a child”. But these feelings never go toward the depressing thoughts of harming myself. These depressing feelings are as far away from suicidal thoughts as one can get. If anything, I’m afraid of dying before I come to some conclusion in this doubt. I mean if this Christian faith is true, I don’t want to be damned for eternity.
So yes, my struggle with doubt is sometimes depressing, but today the sky is blue, my kids are healthy, and I have the energy to keep working of this life journey.
Hey, hope I’m not stepping in where I’m not wanted, but I just sort of stumbled across this blog while hunting for a book for a friend going through a shift in his religious life. I kind of flipped through your articles, and thought I’d comment here. I’m not someone who has strong faith. I sort of just…assume there’s a God, and we don’t talk a lot. But on this one post, I’d like to suggest that many people take the “faith of a child” bit to mean unthinking belief and faith. But every time I hear it, all I can think of is my cousin, who whenever presented with any information asks “Why?”
Kavar,
Congratulations on being the first person to comment. I love your take on the “faith of a child”. Great insight! I have a number of kids (7) and they are always asking “Why?”, challenging what I say, not taking my word for something but having to “find out for themselves”. Maybe the key is in the journey of life, the asking the “Why?” questions, the challenging of ones beliefs, the pain of the struggle, etc.
Well as your first commenter, I’ll try to sound intelligent. Doubt is a scary thing, and something that most people try to avoid in their religious beliefs. But without doubt, you can’t have real faith. Just knowledge. It seems to me that God wants real believers, not just mindless followers. This means questioning and learning, and coming to believe in him through your own life experiences and problems. Why give us the ability to reason if not to use it?
Wow, great points here! Mark, thank you for your honesty about how your doubt affects you, and Kavar, thank you for your encouragement about doubting. I’ve been struggling with the very issue you touched on: are we “allowed” (by God) to use reason and seek an intellectual faith? Some friends recently pointed out to me Proverbs 3:5, which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding.” That would seem to suggest that we are to have blind, unreasoned faith. But I agree with you when you said, “It seems to me that God wants real believers, not just mindless followers” and “Why give us the ability to reason if not to use it?” Surely God wants us to think through our faith…if not, then I’m getting myself into trouble.
Ashton,
We should use our minds to work through things. Another way one can take Proverbs 3:5 is to be careful about putting all one trust in one’s own understanding. If there is a God that created this whole universe out of nothing, one had better be careful to think that they have “all” the answers. I can’t remember who said it or exactly the way they said it but, “The universe is not only more amazing than we imagine, it is more amazing than we can imagine.”